Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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