My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
