please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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