I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
