Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
