Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
