In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
