I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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