I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
