Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
