it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize