We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize