maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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