I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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