i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
