Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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