I'm jealous of your bromance
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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