the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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