so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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