my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
