i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
