He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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