is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
