Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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