we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
