Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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