It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize