he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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