took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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