my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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