Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
