I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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