she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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