So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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