Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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