I CAN MOONWALK!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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