I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
