i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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