meet me or not, i'm out of control
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize