Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
