I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
