somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
