Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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