genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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