still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
