barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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