I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
