Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
