it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i love accidental penises.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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