The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
