He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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