One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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