You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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