WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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