My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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