dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
