My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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