It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
