omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
