Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize