I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
