Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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