And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize