i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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