so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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