I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
