look no pants
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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