dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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