Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
