Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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