When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
