my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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