Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
